On the Mount: Christians And Divorce, Part 1
Matthew 5:31-32
Part of our series on the Sermon on the Mount, this sermon was preached by Rev. Chris Roberts during the morning service on Sunday, January 03, 2010.
We have been looking at the Sermon on the Mount in the evening but today’s subject is of such significance that I wanted to give both services to it. This morning I will talk more generally about marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Tonight we will see some specific situations and I will open the floor for questions and comments. We will conclude tonight with a special time of prayer for those touched by divorce.
But it is with heavy heart that I approach this subject. In Matthew 5:31-32 Jesus talks with his disciples about divorce. My heart is heavy because I know how painfully and fiercely this issue has impacted so many of you, whether in your own marriages or in the lives of beloved friends and family members. Time was that divorce was rare. Now we are surprised to hear of couples with a lasting marriage. Even among Christians, the divorce rate roughly parallels the rate for non-Christians.
As we look at divorce, I want those who think I draw too hard a line to remember that Scripture is our guide. I pray that what is preached this morning is nothing less than the teaching of God’s Word. That said, my line on divorce is hard but not absolute and some might find license in my words. I am horrified at the thought that someone might come away from these messages saying, “I have found a way out of my marriage.” Oh God protect us from a heart that ever wants to see a marriage end.
For this morning, while our text from the Sermon on the Mount is Matthew 5:31-32 Jesus gives a fuller instruction on marriage and divorce in Matthew 19:3-9 and it is there that we will focus this morning.
Matthew 19:3-9
As we look at this text we should quickly be struck by the misplaced priorities of the Pharisees. They were trying to engage Jesus in an old debate among the Jews: “For what reason might a man end his marriage?” Those foolish serpents, masters of using the law to justify their own sin, were even here trying to find lawful means to end a union God had established. So in verse 3 they ask Jesus a question from the Mosaic law. The law they refer to is found in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. In that passage God through Moses establishes certain guidelines for a divorced person. The Pharisees take that guideline and use it to justify their own sinful actions.
The Pharisees want to find ways to end an unpleasant marriage. Perhaps this woman is not as exciting as she once was. Maybe someone younger or more attractive comes along. Whatever the reason, they were looking for ways to justify divorce. When Jesus speaks he turns their priorities around.
In verses 4-6 Jesus reveals the source of marriage. He will not allow the question to be, “how might I get out of my marriage?” For Jesus the important point is that marriage comes from God and we must do all we can to preserve this union. Here is what Jesus says: “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” In this passage Jesus tells us five things about marriage.
First, marriage is a plan from the beginning. Even at the start of time, when God created Adam and Eve he had marriage in mind. He planned this union of man and woman into husband of wife, making them one flesh.
Second, marriage involves one man and one woman. God created male and female and joined them as one in a faithful, committed relationship.
Third, in marriage we have a new autonomous unit. As a child you are part of your parents’ family. When you marry, it is the start of a new family, a new unit. So a man will not hang around his parents house like so many men today, living at home well into adulthood. A man will leave father and mother and unite to his wife.
Fourth, this new autonomous unit is made one new person. God has taken this man and this woman and has made them one flesh. Throughout the New Testament we see that God is at work to unify humanity. Marriage serves as a picture of the unity God is creating among people.
Fifth, the unity in marriage is God’s doing. Jesus says, what therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. The courthouse can give you a marriage certificate but the union of marriage is done by God. It is God who joins husband to wife.
In this Jesus reveals the Pharisees mistake. No excuse can end a marriage. The only thing that will bring a natural end to marriage is death. The marriage covenant can also be destroyed by adultery. We will come back to adultery in a moment.
In Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 Jesus appears to recognize that one might divorce for reasons other than adultery. Likewise, in 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 Paul discusses situations where a divorce might take place for reasons other than adultery. We will talk about these situations more tonight, but this morning I want you to see what Jesus and Paul say about divorce and remarriage in cases other than adultery.
In Matthew Jesus plainly says that remarriage is adultery unless the former spouse has committed adultery. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul is addressing divorces that take place for reasons other than adultery and he says in verses 10-11, To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
The instruction is simple: do not divorce. But even here the line is not absolute. Jesus and Paul both recognize there might be divorce for reasons other than adultery. That is why Jesus and Paul both give instructions to the divorced person. In effect both say, “Do not divorce. But if you have divorced for reasons other than adultery, do not remarry.” If not remarriage then what? Paul tells us in verse 11, be reconciled.
The emphasis throughout these teachings is that marriage is too important to bring to an end. In fact, drawing from what Jesus tells the Pharisees, we can go further still. Because God is the one who unites husband and wife, nothing we do short of the sin of adultery can end a marriage in the eyes of God. That is to say, God does not recognize a legal proceeding to end a marriage. You can walk into the courthouse and receive a divorce in the eyes of the state but it will not be recognized in the eyes of God. Before God you remain married. This is why remarriage is adultery. You consider yourself single but God considers you married and when you lie with that new spouse you have committed adultery against your first spouse. We see this a bit clearer in Mark 10:11-12: And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” It should go without saying, but this is the 21st century, it is also considered adultery if you engage in sexual activity with anyone not your spouse even after a divorce.
So a spouse who divorces for reasons other than adultery must not remarry but must seek reconciliation. What are those reasons other than adultery? If marriage is so important, why would a person ever seek a legal divorce for any other reason, particularly when God would not recognize that legal divorce? The circumstances would be limited. We will address this more tonight, but briefly we can see a hint coming from the Old Testament passage on divorce. In Deuteronomy 24:1 Moses mentions divorce due to indecency. The word in this context means a husband or wife has done something morally repugnant, something grossly distorting the marriage relationship but not crossing into other violations of the Mosaic law. For our own day one example might be a husband who abuses his wife and children. The wife would be justified in seeking a divorce in order to obtain stronger legal protection for herself and her children.
There are also times where a spouse seeks divorce without cause. This is what can lead to the most pain. You have been faithful and godly with your husband or wife, treating your spouse as God has called you to but one day he shows up with a petition for divorce. You have done nothing to justify this but you cannot stop the divorce. As far as you know, your spouse has not been unfaithful to you. Even here the words of Jesus and Paul apply: seek reconciliation.
Whatever the circumstances, other than adultery, Scripture teaches that remarriage is not permissible because in the eyes of God the couple remains married. Divorce is never to be pursued in order to free oneself of one’s spouse. Even after divorce reconciliation is to be sought. You husband who feel you have no choice but to divorce your wife, even after the divorce, seek reconciliation. The same for you wife. Reconciliation would be your spouse turning from the sin that drove you away. Your husband ends his abuse. Your wife ends her addiction. This is what you seek.
Never, never, never pursue divorce in order to rid yourself of an unpleasant husband or wife. That is an abomination. Our culture sees divorce as a way to end something broken and move on to something new. God, on the other hand, does not see divorce. He does not recognize it. He hates it and will not honor it. What he has joined remains joined unless broken by the sin of adultery.
So we come back to adultery, the destroyer, the great sin.
Marriage is an image of Christ’s union to the church, of the people’s faithfulness to God. When we break faith with our spouse it is as though we break faith with God. So we find throughout the Old Testament the kingdom of Israel being accused of adultery whenever she strays to worship foreign gods. Adultery breaks the image of faithfulness.
Both times in Matthew, in 5:32 and 19:9, Jesus gives adultery to the one exception to the rule on remarriage. Why does the exception exist? Of all the sins that can disrupt a marriage, why is this the one seen as destroying a marriage, leaving the wronged spouse free to remarry?
In the Old Testament a severe penalty was established for adultery. In Leviticus 20:10 we read: If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.
Adultery was a capital offense. The one caught in adultery would not be divorced, he or she would be executed. That in itself would end the marriage covenant. In the New Testament we see that death brings an end to the marriage covenant. In 1 Corinthians 7:39 Paul writes, A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
In the Old Testament, adultery resulted in death which ended the marriage covenant. By New Testament times the Jews did not often carry out capital punishment for adultery and the practice certainly came to an end with Jesus who did not allow them to stone the woman caught in adultery.
Nonetheless, in some real sense the act of adultery itself results in the destruction of the marriage covenant. In the Old Testament this was clear because the offending spouse was put to death. In the New Testament the destruction of the covenant is shown by the fact that Jesus allows remarriage. If God recognized the continuation of the marriage covenant, he would not allow remarriage. The marriage covenant is destroyed when one spouse commits adultery.
Adultery destroys. It destroys marriages. It destroys families. It destroys the image of unity among believers and of Christ with his church. In Hebrews 13:4 we have this stern warning, Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. There is judgment on the one who commits this sin. There can be forgiveness, but only to the truly repentant.
Following adultery, then, the offended spouse is free to remarry. A wife whose husband has been unfaithful does not have to seek reconciliation with him. She can, but the choice is left to her. And if she does reconcile there is a real sense in which the couple must renew their vows before God. But following adultery, it is the wronged spouse who must prayerfully decide whether to restore what has been destroyed.
To bring all of this together, here is what we see. Marriage is precious in the site of God. It is his doing, he has united this man and woman into one flesh. Husbands and wives, do not commit adultery. Husbands and wives, do not divorce your spouse. If there is divorce and there has not been adultery, do not remarry. Honor God. Be faithful. Seek reconciliation.
There is one more word as we close. There may be those here who say preacher, I am the one who committed adultery. Or I divorced my wife just to be rid of her. Or I left my husband and went to another man. Or a host of other circumstances involving sin in marriage. God has convicted you of your sin and you seek repentance. To you I say there is forgiveness. To you I repeat the words of Jesus to the adulteress in John 8:11: Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more. There is forgiveness for the one who falls on his knees before God, asking his mercy. There is restoration for the repentant sinner. The wrong you committed cannot be undone and there may not be restoration for the marriage that was been ended but you are forgiven and are called to live from this day forth in righteousness.