Christ and the Church in the Husband and Wife
Ephesians 5:21-33
This sermon was preached by Rev. Chris Roberts during the morning service on Sunday, February 14th, 2010
I will leave it up to you to decide whether or not God has orchestrated our series in Ephesians so that Ephesians 5:21-33 would fall right on Valentine’s Day, I will only say that I did not arrange the series in this way. But it is a fitting on this day to consider what God has to say about marriage. We have seen verses 25-33 before, on June 26th of last year. Then we looked at what Paul had to say to husbands. This morning I will focus more on what Paul says to wives. We will take up this text again next time to draw out what Paul has to say about Christ and the church.
Last time we cracked the door on Ephesians 5:21 and Paul’s call for believers to submit to one another. Today we pick that up again and begin a section that runs from 5:22 through 6:9 and spells out how submission works within certain relationships. Paul does not provide examples for every kind of relationship but he focuses on the relationships that tend to be most central in our lives.
In today’s passage Paul’s focus is on marriage. In particular, the way husbands and wives are called to relate to one another, revealing the will of God for husbands and wives.
Ephesians 5:21-33
In the writings of John Calvin there are several references to this world as the theater of God’s glory. That is, throughout creation God is displaying his glory through the things he has made, primarily through the lives of his people. Borrowing that image, we could say that Paul has a similar view of marriage. Marriage is a theater of God’s love in which Christ’s love for his church is to be put on display.
Many people today criticize a conservative or biblical understanding of marriage. What they fail to understand is that God is not being arbitrary with these commands. His design for marriage makes it a grand theater for him to paint a picture of Christ’s love for the church and the church’s submission to Christ. To ignore God’s plan for marriage is to attempt to sabotage the display of God’s love.
So Paul talks to us about husbands and wives and the picture this gives of the church. Most of his attention in this passage is directed at husbands, but he begins with wives. To wives he gives a simple but direct command in verse 22: submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Notice first the scope of this command. Paul says to submit to your own husbands. Whatever this submission may be, it is limited to the bonds of marriage. This verse does not give us a general rule in which women submit to men; in this verse Paul tells us that wives are to submit to their husbands.
But what is this submission? What does it look like? The answer is not popular today, even though it is biblical. The answer requires a radical rethinking of who we are – as men and as women – and why we are in the world. All of us have to recognize that we are not here to chart our own paths, make our own way, or choose our own destinies.
Within marriage, a husband’s responsibility is to work for the purity and growth and edification of his wife, while a wife’s responsibility is to support her husband. The implications of this fly in the face of the claims of modern feminism. Married women today are told to find their identity beyond their husbands, as though husband and wife live in parallel worlds that merely intersect from time to time when convenient. But the biblical picture given to us in the book of Genesis tells a different story.
In our passage Paul makes reference to Genesis 2:24 where we read about the marriage union. Shortly before that we learn about the creation of Eve. Look with me at Genesis 2:18-24: Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Some people today claim that male headship is a curse of the fall, that God originally intended no hierarchy in marriage but as a consequence of Eve eating the fruit, she was made to serve Adam. Thus, they conclude, because Christians are in Christ and made free from the fall, male headship no longer exists, whether in society, in the church, or in the home. There are several problems with that argument but one problem should be quickly apparent. Eve was created before the Fall, but Eve was created to serve as a helper to Adam. From the beginning, when God created Adam and Eve he put in place this pattern for marriage.
Submission, then, is the wife seeking fulfillment not by charting her own path in the world but by walking with her husband in his work. There is a great scene in the movie Fiddler on the Roof in which one of the daughters, Hodel, tries to convince her father to let her go marry the man she loves. She tells her father, “I want to go. I don’t want him to be alone. I want to help him in his work.” This is Adam and Eve in the garden. This is husband and wife living faithfully in the 21st century. What it is not is domination. Men are never made dictators and any man who tries to abuse headship and turn his wife into a servant to serve his whim, he is a worm and not a man. But we will get to the men in a moment.
At the end of verse 24 Paul will instruct wives to submit in everything. The wife does not choose which parts of life are her own and which parts are her husband’s. The man and woman are now husband and wife which is to say they are one flesh. They are united in all things and in their unity the husband is head, just as our physical bodies have parts united under one head, and just as the church has believers with Christ as the head.
In verse 22 Paul says this submission is to be done as to the Lord. This tells us three things.
First, the wife’s attitude to her husband ought to be one of joyful surrender, even as we delight to submit to Christ. It is willing service, not begrudging agreement.
Second, the wife’s submission serves as an example of how we ought to be obedient to Christ. People see in the wife’s submission to her husband an example of our submission to Christ.
Third, the wife’s submission to her husband does have some limits. Namely, her first and primary service is to the Lord. She submits to her husband as an example of how she submits to Christ, but if her husband instructs her to go against God’s commands her first and primary responsibility is obedience to Christ. She must not submit to her husband if he would lead her into sin.
In these verses to wives, and in the following verses to husbands, Paul highlights the parallel of husbands and wives to Christ and the church. Just as soon as he has given the instruction to wives that they are to submit to their husbands, he presents marriage as the grand theater of God’s love. In marriage God puts on display the relationship between Christ and the church.
Those wives who find submission a difficult concept need to keep in mind what God is doing with marriages. As we said before, his plan for marriage is not arbitrary and the work he assigns men and women is important to accomplish his intentions. And because this is the way God designed us to function, no marriage can be as rich as the marriage lived in obedience to God’s design.
The picture provided is that as Christ is the head of the church, so husbands are heads of the family. In verses 25-32 Paul will draw out the full meaning of this parallel for husbands, and the responsibility on husbands is quite high. I will not draw this out in great detail since we saw this just a few months ago, but I do want to highlight in particular where the work of the husband for the wife mirrors the work of Christ for the church. Taking a broad look at this passage, there are three things revealed about Christ’s work: first, he lived sacrificially for his people. Second, Christ’s work for the church was for, continues to be for, and will accomplish her purity. And third, the church is not just loved by Christ, the church is the very body of Christ.
Husbands are called to embody these same aspects within marriage. In brief, husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
Husbands, how do you sacrifice for your wife? Too many men see that women are called to submit and think it means wives are to sacrifice for their husbands. Wives are to follow their husbands, but it is husbands who are called to be like Christ who gave his life for the church. I want all of us, men and women, husbands and wives, single and married and widowed, to keep in mind that our entire purpose in this universe is to glory God and enjoy him. For husbands, you have been called to glorify God in your marriages by working for the holiness of your wife and children. Your purpose on this earth is not to get a better golf swing, not to bag the biggest deer or land the best seats at the stadium – these things are not bad things and they can be enjoyed, but they are not why we are here, they are extras. Husbands, much higher up the list for you is to live for the holiness of your wife.
Husbands, what do you do to lead your wife to a pure and holy life? One day Christ will gather all his body and will present the church to the godhead. Verse 27 says that we will be in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, holy and without blemish. One day you husbands will in a sense present your wives to God. You will be held accountable for how you lived up to your responsibility. Are you working for holy homes and godly wives? Is your wife growing more like Christ because of your work and example? If she is not growing like Christ, is it due to her own sinfulness or is it because you are not leading her to him? Men, consider this. We are often willing to ignore the sin we see in someone else if it allows us to ignore our own sin. Seek holiness in your own life so that your sin does not hinder you as you lead your wife to purity.
Husbands, do you really realize that your wife is part of you? To adapt a phrase I recently heard, when Scripture says the husband and wife are one flesh, this is not poetry, this is not just a quaint, sentimental view of marriage. The two really are made one so Paul tells us that as the church is the body of Christ, so the wife and husband are one body. And as Christ nourishes and cherishes his church, so we are to treat our wives.
From the beginning, before the fall of man, marriage existed as the union of husband and wife in which the husband is called to love the wife and the wife is called to submit to her husband. Throughout most of history people did not know what marriage portrayed. They did not know it would someday serve as a picture of Christ’s relationship with his body. But in his great planning and design, God knew, and he designed marriage to be a grand theater of his love for us. To that end it is God, not the husband or wife, that is to be on display. So when husband and wife are living according to God’s design, Christ gets the glory.
I want to quickly apply this text to five groups of people. I know we are at the end of our time but I will move fast so bear with me and keep your minds sharp and your ears active.
Women, submission is not a popular topic today. The things I have said to wives might make some of you angry. I remind you that this world does not exist for personal satisfaction or accomplishment. It exists to lead people into the enjoyment of God. The only way we can enjoy him is to live life as he designed it to be lived and in marriage that means the husband leading in love, the wife submitting in grace. Not because you are subservient or of less worth than your husband, not because you are less intelligent or capable, but because this is how God designed marriage to work and you want to demonstrate your trust and obedience to his plans.
Married folks, husbands and wives alike, what is it about your marriage that direct people’s gaze to the goodness and love of Christ? How does your home serve as a miniature theater of God’s glory and love? Are you willing to do whatever is necessary to make Christ the focus of your family?
Single folks, how are you preparing now for this kind of life? Are you being careful to enter into relationships that have the potential to be God-glorifying marriages? Men, are you looking for women who already begin to reflect the purity of Christ? This does not mean they have a perfect past but that right now they are striving to grow in Christ. Women, are you looking for the kind of man you could submit to, the kind of man you could trust with your holiness?
To those married to unbelievers. At times yours is a difficult calling, whether you are husband to a wife who wants nothing to do with holiness, or wife to a husband who has no interest in leading you closer to Christ. Continue in the command of Scripture. Consider 1 Peter 3:1-2 which says, Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Your obedience to Christ shines as an example of Christ’s love.
Finally, to any spouse here that is an unbeliever. Consider all that we have said about marriage today. It exists to bring glory to God. Husbands, the work you are given is to lead your wife closer to Christ. Wives, your work is to teach the church by your example how we are to submit to Christ. It does not matter how good a husband or wife you think you are, if you are not carrying out God’s will for marriage, you are failing in your role. Find in Christ the true meaning and fulfillment of marriage. Being a Christian does not automatically make marriage better, but it sets one on the right path.